41 - An Unfortunate Suck-up

With the extra lessons I had very little time to myself unless I stayed awake late… which had its own problems. Then there were all the rituals the Heir must do. The remedies Misahis gave me helped. I was no longer a child, able to run about in the city, bored and looking for trouble. Before I would not focus on doing my best… but along with being polite I had learned well enough from my friend that I had better concentrate on my studies if I was going to be any better than… well, if I were going to be a good Imperator. I had no more time to bedevil people, other than the Press, occasionally.

My order from Robinas Tomin, fessas, the skate maker arrived and I sent the package down, addressed to Raikas, with my sealed letter. “Dear Chevenga,” I could write out the Enchian letters even though my tongue could only approximate it as ‘Shefenkas’. “I am sending you a pair of faib skates. I enquired of your boy, what your foot size is and had them made up. They will need adjustment to your foot but the maker, Robinas Tomin, is of course prepared for your visits to make them fit perfectly. In the hopes of helping you feel freer… Minis (my seal).”

I could hear some of my Companions in their room, talking. I set my seal down and since I wasn’t wearing enough jewellery to make any noise slipped up to listen. “…not so bad!” It was Ilian talking, his voice full of satisfaction. “Is it?” he snapped. The boy who answered him, I wasn’t sure which one but thought it was Tomeas, was muffled. The door to their ante room –which was dark -- was half open and without disturbing it managed to squeeze through and tiptoe down to where I could see the boys in the spill of light from their bedroom.

Ilian sat on the end of his bed, fully dressed, looking smug and Tomeas and Definas sat on the floor while Stegis, one of his bully boys, sat on a backwards turned chair. Tafis stood, looming, both big and tall for his age, and Sefir, the thinner, intellectual weasel that he was, stuck his feet out, gloved fingers laced across his belly. I didn’t understand what was going on but I didn’t like the look of it. Why was the oldest looking so satisfied? Why were the two youngest – the ones with the most to lose -- sitting on the floor? Why were the ones closest to Ilian surrounding the two? “It’s the way to power, the way to fix any problem.”

The circle of boys nodded solemnly at these words of wisdom. Ilian Kallen, the oldest, it seemed, was instructing. I turned away. As Tomeas asked, “Has the Spark demanded of you, Ilian?” I froze, listening. What were they saying of me?

“Well, I wouldn’t presume to surrender any confidences…” his voice tailed off suggestively, implying he and I were the closest of friends. I swallowed my gorge, backed up and slipped out without listening to any more. I needed to head down to dinner because Father had bidden me specifically.

“Companions!” I called from my room and heard the bang and rustle as they came to my call. The others came in from my games hall. “Dinner,” I said. Ilian stood on my right on the way down, hanging close to offer me his arm should I wish it and he stank of sex so I didn’t want him near me.

They all had their assigned places and before we entered the hall, on impulse, I shuffled their order, instead of oldest to youngest, the reverse. So Definas sat closest to me this evening, and Tomeas next to him. Ilian was struck speechless.

The chair at Father’s right hand had Kriadas Lirien, aitzas, in it, and to his right a veiled girl, which put her immediately to my left. Thankfully, she smelled of roses. We all got up for my Father’s entrance and sat at his absent wave.

As the first course was served, Father leaned forward with a jovial expression on his face. “Minis! A momentous dinner for you this evening!”

“Yes, Father?” I tried to look both bright and interested rather than terrified. The girl next to me took a deep breath and her hands, properly gloved with golden gloves, knotted in her lap, though only the veil fluttered as she inhaled. Her veil was so sheer I could almost see her features.

“You’ve been showing so much maturity lately, my amendment, I have decreed your betrothed should assume her place at court!” My betrothed? I had never even seen the girl. She and I had been betrothed on my first threshold, her father – that was him at my Father’s right hand – and mine signing the document on the Temple step. I had been there but she had not.

It had actually been on the first day of the year rather than my birthday, since contracts could not be signed during Jitzmitthra. I had stood behind father, chewing my hair, fantasizing tossing my circlet of oak leaves off my head and darting into the crowd, my Mahid running after me. I had been aware of Kyriala Liren as someone who would be part of my life when I grew up but never as a real girl.

She was already showing some of the form of a woman and beside her, even correctly clad, I felt like a little boy playing dress-up.

“So?” Father said. “Are you so shocked you cannot be polite?” I twitched in my seat, scrambled up, pushing the chair back, turned toward her. She rose, perfectly gracefully, perfectly poised and waited.

“No, ser. Um…” I was blushing all the way down my neck and I swore must be reddening even along my exposed shoulders. She was taller than I.

Of course. I reached out to her and she un-hooked her veil, laying it in my hands. “W…welcome, Sera Liren.” It was all I could manage. She was astonishingly beautiful I thought. Her eyes were almost turquoise blue, fringed with white lashes, framed with high, delicate willow-leaf shaped eyebrows, lips perfect and perfectly rose. She looked at me coolly and I was even more aware of the fact that I’d started sweating all down my armpits and sides. I was sure I had ragged threads on my clothing where I’d torn off gems or worried at the fabric. I felt like a sweaty ball of lard.

“You are most kind, in your welcome, Spark of the Sun’s Ray,” she said and dropped her eyes so all I could see was the fringe of lashes against her pale as milk cheeks.

“She will be taking up the betrothed’s chambers in the Marble Palace and you and she will, of course, dance after dinner from now on. Not tonight of course but beginning tomorrow.” Father seemed very pleased. All I could think was… dancing?… with a girl? I folded the veil up and looked around kind of wildly, wondering where I was to put the blessed thing before her slave held out cupped hands for it.

“Well?” Father looked even more impatient with me. I gulped.

“Thank you, Father.”

Kyriala sank, gracefully – what else? – into her chair, as Father nodded and drew his plate towards himself, since the Food taster had already given the signal. I settled, considerably less gracefully, into my own chair and stared at my own plate. I could feel the rose scented heat coming from her on my right and nervousness from my Companions on my left, along with the radiating temper from Ilian banished a dozen chairs down the table.

I mindlessly shovelled food into my mouth or else I would draw attention from Father and cringed in sullen embarrassment at what my newly introduced fiancée would be thinking of me. I addressed her perhaps twice the whole meal… something pointless about the weather, or the food.

Dinner lasted only an eternity or two and when I was released I almost flung my chair backwards in my haste. I grabbed as it flipped back against my knees, thankfully a slave caught it before I could be further embarrassed.

I withdrew from the dining room feeling as though I were retreating a battle field with the tattered remnants of my troops. A girl. I had to learn to deal with a girl. I wasn’t even second threshold yet. Thank the Ten it would all be formal etiquette and I wouldn’t have to think of anything to mess up saying to her.

I needed to bathe. “Tomeas, Definas attend me. The rest of you get lost.” The others didn’t hesitate, but Ilian called after me.

"Spark, did you need me?"

“No, Kallen.” I couldn’t make myself say thank you. “I can dismiss your attendance.” I didn’t have to see him to imagine the ‘huff’ of disappointment. The whole of his clan had this peculiar look when disappointed or angry, when the classic, narrow Kallen face seemed to fall into the middle, as if someone had just pushed hard on the nose with the edge of a hand and squished in the sides.

Even though I’d called them, I pretty much ignored the two youngest of my Companions until I had soaked myself red all over in the hot tub. Then I turned around and looked at the two of them sitting with me, quietly, across from me in the pool.

What should I say? I wanted to talk. “So what was Kallen teaching you this afternoon?”

Tomeas looked at Definas and in that moment –having more to lose -- I could see him throwing the responsibility to the younger boy. “Um,” Definas swallowed and somehow managed to blush even in the hot water. “He was teaching us the way his family has found is good to get promotions.”

“… the way his…” I realized suddenly why Ilian had stunk before dinner. I had an abrupt image of the two youngest on the floor, surrounded by the oldest. Ah. I understood perfectly what was going on in the Companions chamber. Father’s tastes being passed down. “Did you want to learn it?” I tried to ask it casually, aware – prickling all over my skin -- that both boys hadn’t stripped down but were wearing their cotton loincloths and I was naked.

They looked as though I had asked them to stick their naked hands down for me to run over with my skates. “Never mind. I don’t need to hear.” I waved at them, suddenly aware I was using my friend’s ‘no’ hand slash rather than my Father’s languid, wiggly wave.

Definas looked as though I’d just granted him clemency, and Tomeas closed his eyes. I recognized that they were both relieved and still terrified. Of course. They were still in the position of not being able to say no to Ilian… or his closest… “I've come to the conclusion that Ilian is best suited to learn Generalship from his father, and should be sent to him. I intend to ask Father for that, and a new Companion tomorrow. Perhaps Stegis and Tafis as well, or all the older ones. You are both required to keep that quiet, of course.”

They both nodded and I realized something else. The thing I didn’t like was that they couldn’t say yes, truly, if it were impossible for them to say no. Shefenkas had explained that to Father last night and made him laugh so hard I had heard his jewellery clashing.

I had thought he was right. So how could I make that work in my own household? “You know… I understand that Companions can have ‘special friends’ as long as the Chamberlain does not actually catch them making love.”

They looked as though I had just hit them in the head. With either a very heavy board or a dead fish. Usually people didn’t just talk about things like this. “But I don’t like it if one of the lovers can’t say ‘I don’t want to.”

“Really, Spark? Um… the Dekinas has been teaching us about the spirit of being submissive to those raised above us.” That was Tomeas, finally daring to speak.

“That would be the Chamberlain, me, and Father,” I said firmly. “Not your peers. I don’t care if they are bigger or older.”

***

Kyriala is older than I and she does look like a woman. She is smiling at me and I want to kiss her lips but I’m lying on my back and can’t move. I want to run my hands over her face, have her pull her gloves off like in the books.

I want her to put her fingers in my mouth so I can suck on them and I suddenly find it hard to breathe. Her hands are beautiful, stroking my legs… she strokes my penis and it stirs and I flinch all over as if her hands were fire.

She’s golden and perfect and her eyes… I can’t see her eyes… I can’t move except to twitch my hips, my legs hard and trembling. I want to rise for her. I see her breasts, tiny compared to the wet nurses. I strain to follow that terrifying, wonderful sensation but it… just… can’t… I’m panting… weeping because I’m too young… because I can’t give her what she wants.

I snapped awake and thought I was dreaming still because the hot, wet, pulsing, sucking still worked on my groin, hands stroking the insides of my legs. In the dark… it… who? What?

I screamed, punching, kicking and pushing at the thing latched onto my groin in the dark. A surprised scream almost as loud as mine as it let go of me, “Hey, hey! Ow! Ow!” floundering straight back away from me. The curtains on the bottom of my bed tore free, silk shrieking like a ghost being tortured, as my guards burst in with lamps raised, weapons in hand.

I blinked and quit howling, folding my knees up to curl into a ball on the bed, looking at Ilian, on his butt, floundering in the ruins of my curtains, where he’d fallen, empty bare hands upheld… “Wait!” I managed to stammer before they killed him. “Kallen… what were you doing?”

He wiped his mouth, or tried to and found his mouth and hands on the wrong sides of the ruined silk -- tried to smile at me ingratiatingly.

“Spark of the Sun’s Ray, did I misunderstand your desires?” he whined. All around the room I could see every one of the adults draw back a little, disgusted; all hidden flawlessly, except that I recognized the perfectly polite mask dropping over their faces, as guards straightened, servants and slaves relaxed.

“You! You crawled in here UNINVITED!” I didn’t care if they didn’t believe me. I had to speak the truth. “I did NOT invite you!”

“Spark,” He laid himself on his face, still tangled up. “I misunderstood.” I caught the inside of my lip in my teeth. My whole groin felt slimy and covered in his spit. I shook all over, cold even though it was humid and sticky and hot even this late at night.

“Go back to your father. Go away. Take your things and get out. I never want to see or smell you again. Take your foul mouth and get out.” My eyes tracked to the Chamberlain of Companions, standing in his bedclothes. “I will wish to speak to you Iamis, about my Companions. Tomorrow.”

I buried my face in my knees as the mess was cleared up and Ilian got hustled out, still protesting, too stupid to understand he was done and should shut up.

And this had to all happen just when the woman… girl… who would be my wife had just been installed in the Palace. I muffled a groan. I’d be an idiot if I thought the rumour of this wouldn’t fly straight to nest in her shell-like ear.