I was terrified, shaking hard enough that my teeth chattered. He pulled me in close and put his arms around me. “Shh… shh, Minis… It’s okay. This is the time where nothing is real. It’s all right. Take a breath. I wore a nice perfume, you like it?”
I sniffed, couldn’t smell anything, then faintly I could smell fanilas and maybe roses. It wasn’t heavy or overwhelming. I had to bury my nose in his neck to get the scent and my lips found the saltiness on his neck that I could lick off my lips.
Def cuddled me until I stopped shivering with fear and then eased me back against my mound of pillows.
He watched me, carefully, as he raised one of my hands up to his mouth, pausing when I shivered. I didn’t say anything, staring at him and at what he was doing, completely transfixed. Definas smiled a little and breathed on my hand, his breath soft across my knuckles. Then I watched the tip of his tongue come out and gently, wetly probe the web between my first finger and second.
The feeling was so intense I tried to cry out but couldn’t figure out if I should inhale or exhale, so almost choked. He smiled wider… “Knuckle sucking,” he said quietly. He was my age but he had obviously had more experience.
“Oh. Oh yes.” My face felt like it was on fire. “I don’t know… if I can do this…” I could hear the fear in my voice.
“Minis,” He put both hands on my one. “You aren’t like your Father, just lie here, and feel it…” then he got a wicked look on his face. “I have an idea. The Imperator did stuff to you in a bed, right?”
I couldn’t say anything, I just nodded. He held onto my hand and pulled me with him, drew me into the Lesser Baths. No one had refilled the clock so the mechanism was stilled and the only sound was the rushing noise from the cascade. I shivered even though it was warm. “If it’s too much,” he said. “Say so, and I’ll stop.”
In the last year he’d started to get his growth and was a head taller than I… his voice had settled into a smooth, dark, man’s voice, and he let go of me to pull off his nightshirt over his head. His chest muscles weren’t a little boy’s anymore and I hadn’t noticed. With all the worry… and watching Ilesias grow up, and hating the signs of growth in myself, I hadn’t noticed the changes in my friends.
He tugged my nightshirt off me too, and pulled loose the end of the wrap that held my vile organs tight to my body. I sucked my breath in and put my hands on his to stop him.
“Oh, do you have to?”
Def flipped his hands over and caught mine in turn. “You don’t want to give yourself to me? You want to be in control?”
I shook all over, wanting to weep but enough in control of myself not to. I shook my head, no.
“I... I’m afraid of... being loose...” He smiled then and caught both my wrists in one hand, reached down and gently unwound the wrap.
“You aren’t loose. Don’t worry, I’ve got you tight.” I could feel that, but the air on my bare body was disturbing because it felt too good. I caught my breath and nearly broke down, quivering. “Shh. I’m safe... I’m all right. It isn’t hurting me if you feel things. You’re safe too.”
He led me over to the cascade and I followed him, letting him do as he wanted. I wasn’t going to try and tell him what I wanted. What I want is too monstrous for me to say. He washed me from head to foot, pouring soap into his hands, slick and warm. I found myself closing my eyes when he had his hands buried in my lathery hair, it felt so good when someone truly wanted to do it.
“I love this,” he said. “I love watching the water pour over you, the bubbles slide off your skin. Do you realize that?” I couldn’t answer him, just shook my head, no.
I could only sit, slick, soaped, every inch of my skin trembling with sensation, watching him as his naked hands slowly, gently worked their way down my arm. It was almost like what my masseur did. He touched firm, he had a good hold on me even with everything slippery, water pouring down over both of us.
The water sparkled all over his face and hair, just on the edge of the cascade so we sat in the warm spray and the water bouncing off the stone and onto us both. I finally, finally felt cleaner. It was as though he was pulling a deeper dirt off me, just a little.
When he got down to my wrists he grabbed them in both hands, pressed forward and I could feel his breath on my lips. My lips were open. “Do you trust me to control the monster, now?”
He was so close I almost touched his lips with my tongue when I licked them nervously. He was asking at every step. “yes.”
Def leaned forward and slowly pressed his lips to mine, wiping away the cooler water-droplets from the cascade... mostly from his lips since I’d just licked mine. I gasped and he tasted the inside of my bottom lip. It was like his lips were fire. But not burning. I was burning. I needed, I wanted... no. I froze because I wanted and he seized control, thrust his tongue into my mouth.
He wouldn’t let me want the wrong things, want the... I wouldn’t think of those things. I relaxed as he clamped hard on my wrists and plunged his tongue into my mouth so hard I moaned. Yes.
It didn’t matter that my vile organs stood hard, my testicles clenched up. I threw myself into his hands and he gathered me up and held me on his lap in the warm water, his mouth still firmly on mine.
He threw one of his legs over mine, pinning them together and wrapped his one arm around my shoulders. My one arm, my hand, was on his back, my other wrist clutched tight against my own shoulder, that gave him one hand free and I was completely held.
He smiled down at me. “Heya, Minis. Now it’s really, really safe. Now I can tell you you’re beautiful and you can’t run away from it.” He drew a finger over my eyebrows and then my cheekbones. “See? I’ve got you safe.”
I could feel him hard against my hip. My whole groin ached. “You have never accepted anyone into you, have you?” He asked. I shook my head. “Well then, not for a first time, then.”
“I... I... oh Definas... I...” I found my voice finally and was babbling... I wanted, I shouldn’t, I wanted, I shouldn’t... There was a fire building somewhere deep inside me, I didn’t know where it was coming from... It was the restraint itself building and building; the feeling indescribable.
“Sh... sh...” He grinned, water trailing down his hair and his chest, dripping off his chin and his nipples, even faint droplets on his eyelashes, the light from the lamps glittering on his wet skin. I wonder what Kyriala would look like, wet like that? Where at that thought come from?
His sapphire eyes were in shadow but his smile was so warm. He ran his hand over my chest and his palm lightly over my nipples.
“AHHH!” I nearly bucked him off it was such a wild shock.
“Good! You aren’t going to be able to stop me making you feel good.. you feel that?”
“Y... y... yes.”
“You keep bouncing like that, Minis, I’m going to come all over you. You feel that?”
I could, I realized. Him restraining me was exciting him too. He was quivering as much as I was, even if he was talking more. We were both panting as if we were running a race.
“So... you can please me. Turn your head and lick my nipple on that side.”
I had my head in the crook of his arm and he was right. I did, feeling the tiny nubbin of flesh under my tongue. He jumped and giggled when I licked and it was wonderful. He told me, and I did it. I wouldn’t hurt him. “May I... do it again?”
“Oh, yeah. You can. You can suck on it too.”
And step by quivering step he taught me I could excite myself, by licking, nibbling on and sucking on someone’s body. His laughter triggered mine and we ended up laughing and laughing and then tickling, but I could only tickle a little with my free hand on his back, or my lips, because he kept his promise and didn’t let me go.
“Kee.. Keep doing that... Min agh! Oh... oh yes. Minis, yes!” He pinched my nipples one, then the other and I had to throw my own head back against his arm. Dear Selestialis. Oh.
I was full of laughter and full of the odd fire in me... it felt like that night but was nothing the same... it was full and I did want it... I wasn’t hurting him... He shifted me around in his hold, leaned down and blew across my nipples. “Please, Def, please...”
“So polite... I like that.” He could reach my one nipple with his own mouth, pressed so tight to me I could feel him starting to pulse against my hip... he was close to coming...
“Oh, my great god...” I managed to pant. My hips were twitching up against his confining legs, I couldn’t help it, my penis bobbed and ever water droplet was like a touch. I couldn’t think I couldn’t do anything but I could feel. Then he reached down and folded his hand around my penis as firmly as everything else, bit my nipple.
I tried to cry out, tried to thrust into his hand but there was no time I was hard all along my spine, lifting us both into the water into his hand oh God oh Gods... “OH MY SSSSUBLIME GOOOOODDDD!!!!” He came a few moments after me, locking me tightly into the restraint of his body, of his hardness and his orgasm... he came hot on my hip, almost lost in the streams of water all over us.
The vile stickiness just disappeared in the cascade and when we both collapsed, he finally let me go in a wet tangle of limbs and bodies and I didn’t hate myself. It didn’t hurt. I hadn’t hurt him, he hadn’t hurt me... Definas was still grinning, I could feel it against my chest, the motion close enough that the nipple, so sensitive after, sent a shock of sensation through me.
I smiled, too and then, gently he poked a finger into my side and I laughed again. I hadn’t laughed so much in moons, except with Ilesias. “There now. First real chains on the monster, hmm?”
“Oh, oh...yeah.” We lay there, panting, and I flexed the one arm he’d had pinned under his armpit, shaking out the stiffness, caught a splash from the cascade, coughed and rolled over so I wasn’t staring up into the water fall. He snorted. “Really sensitive. Coughing all over me to comment on my technique.”
I stuck my nose in the air. “If you’re with the right person, you don’t need technique!” I quoted out of one of the books I'd read.
He just pulled me over onto his chest so the cascade ended up pouring over our legs and hips and a bit on my back. “I’m glad I was the right person for you this time, Minis. You don’t need to hurt yourself so hard, you know.”
Trust Definas to say the hard things, even if it was Jitz. I was too boneless to tighten up but I turned my face down and pressed my forehead into his chest. “Hey, hey stop that.” He grabbed my head on either side and shook me. “You felt good?”
I nodded yes.
“And neither of us was hurt?”
I nodded again.
“So don’t worry about it.” There didn’t seem to much to say to that so I didn’t say anything. I was glowing all along my arms and legs and I felt partly like sleeping and partly... something else. But I was too scared to want to do it again.
Definas got me up after a while and had me lie down on one of the massage tables. “You know, you’ve been bruising yourself some here. Don’t think we haven’t noticed, Minis.”
He took up some oil and rubbed his fingers gently down the insides of my thighs. “You can’t keep doing that. You’ll hurt yourself permanently and you have a duty to the Empire... one day you will need Heirs.”
I had my eyes and mouth both firmly closed and nodded. It was both too harsh and too gentle the way he was touching me, both at the same time. I was so confused but I held tight to the fact that I hadn’t hurt him.
“I...” I managed to pull in enough breath to speak but he kissed me to shut me up.
“It’s Jitzmitthra, so none of this will ever have happened.” He grinned down at me. “Blessed birthday from all of us. Now if this were a knuckle sucker I’d be big and strong and muscular and sweep you up and carry you to bed... but I’m not.” He poked me in the side, tickling, digging his fingers in.
I yelped and almost snapped to sitting, half on my side around his hand and he laughed and ran. I rolled off the table and chased him up into my bed and we pummelled each other with pillows until we were tired and fell asleep in the soft shambles knotted together, completely naked and uncaring.
I had no nightmares at all.