Tuesday, July 5, 2011

517 - We The Undersigned

We, the undersigned, being the manifold membership of the August Association of Jitzmitthran-Born Citizens of Arko, would like to express our most extreme protest against an apparently-plotted initiative by certain of the Assemblymen of the Empire.

Too long we have suffered from puerile, old-fashioned prejudices against us based merely on the dates of our birth. Too long have people born on Diem of Relinquishment of Conventional Decorum been considered disobedient or wanton, people born on Diem Wards Back considered backwards or insane, people born on Diem of Inebriants Multifarious considered drunken sots, people born on Diem of Excess Sustenance Culinary considered swinish gluttons, and people born on Diem of Purification of Thoroughfares Arterial considered obsessively cleanly, or to use the ancient analogy, inclined to tightness of the fundament. Too long have those rare unfortunates born on Diem of Carnal Licentiousness and Ecstasy been considered lustful and whorish. All these notions are mere fancies of the imagination, based on absolutely no genuine grounds at all.

And too long have people who actually were born on Muunas 1 had to endure the japes and the questions: “Oh really? So are you disobedient, insane, drunken, gluttonous, tight-fundamented or lustful?” (They form one of our Association’s chapters.)

We wish to lodge a most vigorous protest against any doubt that Minis Aan is undeserving of the Imperatorship to which he was duly elected based on the date of his birth or any of the paperwork thereto relevant. While we did not all vote for him and so do not Associationally endorse his avowed positions or promised policies, we feel that any alteration of the planned course of the Imperatorship would set a most dangerous precedent in terms of denying rights to Jitzmitthran-born citizens.

What will come next? Will a Jitzmitthran-born Aitzas have his houses, lands and chattels confiscated due to his existence being officially declared questionable? Will a Jitzmitthran-born okas or fessas be denied pay due to birth papers that are “forged”? (In which case we suggest he deny his scurrilous employer the relevant work.) Will the widow of a Jitzmitthran-born solas who died honourably in battle for the Empire be denied her widow’s pension because he, his noble military deeds and his ultimate sacrifice are suddenly officially held not to exist?

Accordingly, we most strenuously insist that no such threat be brutally laid upon what we calculate to be about 1.45 per cent of the population of Arko and thus some 14,500 people just within the City Itself. We earnestly and heartily promise that those Assemblymen who vote chalk for this vicious and egregious initiative will feel the weight of our wrath through legitimate voting means such as impeachment proceedings.

Consider carefully your actions, respectable Members of Assembly.

Aktas Tuun Shallen Aitzas, date of birth Muunas 1 (Diem of Excess Sustenance Culinary) 101st-to-last Y.P.A., President;

Perila Karonas sola, date of birth Muunas 1 (Diem of Relinquishment of Conventional Decorum) 83rd-to-last Y.P.A., Vice-President;

Surinas Arsas fessas, date of birth Muunas 1 (Diem of Carnal Licentiousness and Ecstasy) 96th-to-last Y.P.A., Secretary; and -

The Further Undersigned, being in number 3,588.


Intharas being a sensible sort, the Pages wasn't wasting ink on this Jitz birth nonsense, but other publications and broadsheets were.  If you looked at the news booths and carts you'd think the ‘he was born in Jitzmitthra so he doesn’t exist’ was the only important thing going on.  You would think nothing else was happening in the Empire.

It was taking up most of this sitting session of the House of Assembly and I started skipping my afternoon sitting-in, using that time to write instead.  I was polishing my latest piece of my doctorate for Ailadas and I was very glad that all defenses in Arko, for doctorate, were done anonymously, with all answers relayed from the candidate in his booth, by a fessas herald.  It was a system instituted years ago, to remove the effect of influence between examiners and students.  It would ensure that only Ailadas, my advisor, would know who I was.  If I successfully defended, and was awarded the Doctorate it would be for the quality of my work, not because I was Imperator Elect.

I sat back and dug a fist into the small of my back.  I’d been sitting in one position long enough to start to stiffen up and as if it were a signal, Antras was there at my elbow with a tray.  It had the latest Pages on it, a pot of a very popular kaf/chocolate mix that the aNiah had come up with, and a cheese and fruit plate.  “Serin, the staff has noticed that meals have been missed.”

“Oh.”  My stomach growled at me and Antras smiled.  “Oh, thank you.  I hadn’t realized.”  I was always eating breakfast now because of training with Kallijas and the elite, and the routine included getting clean and eating well enough after training.  But sometimes I was missing lunch and sat through dinner in Assembly, and didn’t bother to make up the meals.  Tanifas was telling me to eat regularly but I couldn’t seem to make myself do it, yet.  We were dancing around my food issues in the sessions we were having, but I’d not been able to look at it straight yet.

The Pages were experimenting with a new form.  Rather than merely general news, sporting news, and the social pages, they were including pages from bordering countries.  So there was ‘The Tor’ page for Tor Ench and ‘Semana’ for Yeola-e, and ‘Unstinting Life’ for Laka and so forth.  Sometimes they were only a half page but still…

I ignored the front pages full of this nonsense and went to Semana and nearly spit my kaf out through my nose.  “Yeola-e Censures Semanakraseye!!” with the subtitle ‘Flogged to Falling”.  What? That’s crazy, that’s insane! Oh, Gods, Kall will have conniptions that he’s not there and that the Yeolis are doing something awful to Chevenga. He probably won’t use his power to try and punish them but he’ll be tempted.

I smoothed the page out on my desk on top of my papers and books.  I’d better know all the details as reported before I went to talk to Kallijas.

My thanks to Karen for the writing the petition.  It was yesterday's comment that I removed and I liked it so much I wanted to include it in the text!

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